I hate you, I honestly sometimes just hate you! Why? Because you know I love you. You know I love you, yet you don’t text me, don’t call. Don’t acknowledge my existence unless we are in bed then your telling me not to leave you, begging me practically.
So I hate you. I hate the person I’ve become, so concerned and wrapped up in a life I’ll never have, because you don’t love me, what is it? Can’t be with the one you love so you try to love the one your with?
I hate you for making me go through things alone. Abortion, buying things from the drug store we should have to buy together. Why do I have to tell the pharmacist that I want Plan B? Why can’t you? Now I have to switch pharmacies. I want to leave because I deserve so much better. How did we even end up like this? Spending nights together but acting like strangers during the day? It makes me hate you. My values are broken and a good christian man isn’t going to want someone who is not a virgin. I was suppose to be saving myself! You knew I was a virgin yet you didn’t try to stop it. Your eight years older than me, you say you’ve been with so many girls it makes you sick. So? Why me? Why are you talking about having a family with me? I’m so young not even out of College and you want to have a baby with me? Why? Because your nearing 30 and “want to be a dad so bad”. There are other girls. Is it convenience? We work together so you didn’t have to look that far. Is it my age? Someone who is as young and inexperienced as me, who hasn’t spoken up for herself or told you how she feels, that she hates this set up, would make a good wife? What is it? What is it? I should ask you but I’m scared. I don’t like talking up for myself. I don’t like telling you how it all makes me feel because I don’t want to be the needy young girl who you feel like always needs your attention.
I don’t even ask for much. I want you to call to see how my day was, I want you to want to be with me! Not just in bed but at the movies. You can even acknowledge me at work and I’ll be happy.
I hate keeping us a secret! I hate the awkward conversations with my friends when I stop being the “Fun one” because I don’t know what the rules are for what we are. Can I go on dates with other guys since we are not dating? Can I hang out with guys? I hate this which makes me HATE YOU! but want to be with you so much.